Your typical K-dramas usually feature some picturesque parks. Equally-spaced trees would arch over paths , sheltering some doe-eyed, well-powdered lovers from the sun because God knows love’s greatest enemy is prematurely ageing skin. Everyone needs a visit to a Korean park/forest in their travel itinerary. So I went to Haesingdang Park.
Because you would obviously need a good story to explain to your neighbors why you’re building a park with giant dicks, there is one that accompanies this park.
Contrary to what the entire English-speaking internet says, Haesingdang Park doesn’t mean Penis Park. It’s named after Neptune. No one got a 5-year-old to name a park. Disappointing, yes but there’s still a good story behind it!
There’s a Story Behind This
Legend goes that a fisherman left his wife at a coastal spot while he went out to fish. The weather turned bad and swept the wife away. Now, if you think the rest of the story is about how the husband pined for his wife, well, no.
The villagers soon realize that their fish yield has declined and instead of maybe thinking that a depressed widower might have something to do with it, they correctly came to the conclusion that it must be the dead wife haunting the seas.
How do you make women favor you more, they must have thought. The answer, my friends – the precursor of sending unsolicited dick pics.
A few rounds of soju and bro high-fives later, I’m imagining a dude-bro must have had an awakening – what if she wanted more? “I know how!” another dude-bro must have said, “Let’s just fill a park with stiffies!”
“Broooooo,” said another and a round of fist-bumps followed.
Ok now at this point you have to realise that back in the day you didn’t just send a smiley at the end of your “Hey gorgeous :)” messages. Keyboards weren’t a thing because plastic wasn’t invented yet.
Maybe it was the alcohol setting in or maybe it was the alcohol wearing out but one woke bro thought for a bit and mused aloud.
“What if she got offended?”
A lively debate about why anyone would be offended by such majesty followed with equal sides for, against and collapsed drunkenly in a pile. There needed a compromise.
“We can say we’re just kidding! It always makes things more acceptable,” slurred one of the guys slumped over a rock. The others looked intently at him, mostly trying to make out what he’s saying.
However, this was a matter of serious consequence and no one thought of it as a joke. In fact, the more they thought about it and high-fived a little, the more brilliant the concept was.
With that, the first known examples of emojis are born.
With that, thanks to our quick-thinking and pop-culturally relevant heroes, the fish returned and the village is saved from omega-3 deficiency. Generations later, in present time, the park remains in a little town south of South Korea and the giant phalluses serve as a potent reminder of the big balls our heroes of the day must have had.